When I think about my school days, a time much further away than I’d like to admit to, I have been thinking about the times I needed to learn something new. Often, when I learned something new, I was also told how I must remember that new information.

This was at its worst in maths class – with the old cliche of needing to show your working.

My working didn’t always make sense to others, but made sense to me. I remember being laughed at, more than once, when I tried to explain how I would work out a problem that helped me arrive at the same solution as others.

In my tests and exams, I used a scrap of paper for my own working, to arrive at the correct answers, then spent a good chunk of the exam studiously adding the working I was supposed to include – retrofitting the working to suit the answer. My papers back from my teacher were covered with perplexed red pen – the answers would be correct, but the working wrong. And this way I would lose marks.

I didn’t think to talk this through with the teacher, because I had never heard of ADHD – and probably a lot of the adults around me had not either, especially in people outside of the sterotype.

I only knew I had something to be ashamed of, because others were frustrated and confused by me, in a way that I could not understand, or do anything about.

So I stopped doing it my way, and started doing it only their way, using their working to arrive at the answer. The ‘right’ way. My marks got worse as now the answers, as well as the working, would both be wrong.

With each new impending test or assignment, my stress levels would spike.

Which meant that my executive function would go offline. Trapped in what felt like a no-win situation, I passed, but did my Year 12 maths exam in floods of tears.

My conclusion was that I was crap at maths, and when it came up, I gave it a wide berth for years post high school.

Working memory is a key part of your executive function.

It’s the temporary holding area for information you take in before it is either stored or dispensed with. In your day-to-day it can look like last minute additions to your shopping list, or remembering to take medication.

When you are learning something new – whether it is to drive, Physics-informed Neural Networks or Basic Knots, your working memory plays a part in holding this new information as you process and embed it into longer-term memory.

ADHDers aren’t always able to hold as much of this working memory, or hold it for as long. We have to do something with it – whether it’s a list, or committing it to long term memory through learning.

An ADHDer’s way of remembering things long term can look different to the way other people do it. If on top of that someone is telling us how we have to learn or remember something, then our working memory is not only dealing with processing the new information, but also dealing with trying to process that information in a way that doesn’t work for our brains. So, dealing with double the mental workload, we lose the learning, and can blame ourselves. Others may get frustrated with us, and that can generate feelings of rejection and shame.

This is worse when you are stressed, tired, or haven’t fed our bodies.

The next time you have to learn something, your body remembers we have been here before.

In expectation of failure, our stress levels rise – and our working memory function falls. Hello vicious cycle.

Some ADHDers start to buy in to the stories other people tell them. Words like stupid, or lazy, creep into the way they describe themselves. Or they avoid the task altogether – who could blame them?

Let’s talk about creating strategies to support your working memory that are friendly to ADHD brains.

Prioritise a feeling of Psychological Safety
By prioritising a sense of psychological safety for yourself before engaging in learning, you will find that you have created the space and time to find the best ways of learning that work for you.

If you find yourself worried and anxious in a learning situation, see if you can identify its source – if it’s elements you can control, take the time to make those adjustments. If you need the support of others – try and have that conversation. If you need help or support for these conversations, see if there are support groups, people you feel safe talking with, ADHD coaches (of course), or associations or unions, depending on the context.

Experiment in non-judgemental, compassionate spaces
By experimenting with different approaches to learning around people (including yourself) who don’t buy into the stories you’ve previously been told, you will start to feel more confident about finding what works for you. It might take a few mistakes to find the right approach. Being kind to yourself in response to something not working, and then moving on to the next experiment, can be very powerful for ADHDers.

If you reject the narrative of failure, at least to yourself, when trying to process information, you will arrive at a way to retain the important stuff, and gain confidence in the process.

Less ‘practicing’ and more experimenting
Being told to ‘practice’ something can definitely be ADHD kryptonite. I know I sometimes get put off by the word practice – it can seem boring! We so desperately want to get to the finish line. By re-labelling something as an experiment, you are creating a finish line every time, but understanding that it might not always look the way you want.

Make it interesting and motivating
If you are having trouble getting started, ask yourself:

Nowadays, understanding my brain better, my confidence is returning as I do my best to tend to my working memory and executive function. I’m not doing somersaults through maths problems, but I’m certainly cutting myself some slack, and giving myself the time and space to have a go – the perplexed red pen markings of my teacher have been relegated to the past.

Freeing yourself to do it your way is helping reclaim the stories you want to tell yourself each day.

Further Reading / Watching:

Peter Doolittle is a cognitive scientist at Virginia Polytechnic and talks about working memory In his TED talk

Learn more about Thomas Brown’s Executive Function Cluster Model – including Working Memory

To work on embracing experimenting: Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson is a great place to start

Also: “ADHD Is Not a Behavioral Disorder.” in ADDitude Magazine (Thomas Brown again)