If you haven’t already, read Part 1 here

I last wrote about defining success, and recognising it when you felt it within. Next on success:

Understanding that having satisfaction with my process is critical to feeling a sense of achievement when I reach a goal

Like my previous post describes, once you have achieved something, you can be tempted can be to go to the sentence ‘yes I achieved the thing, but I should have done it this way’.

Yes I did get everything on my shopping list, but I should just be able to remember what I need from the shop.

Yes I was able to arrive at some deep conversation over dinner with my friend, but we shouldn’t have had to have that disagreement at the start of the evening over me forgetting to book the table.

Yes I got the job application in, but only five minutes before they closed – I should be able to get it in earlier.

If, when you have done something successfully, and you find yourself quickly moving to the ‘shoulds’, challenge this. Where have your list of ‘shoulds’ come from? Are they important in the scheme of things? Or did your process, however different or out of the box, get where you wanted to go – are they just particular to you?

“My shopping list took longer because I was playing with the cat, but do I now have everything in my house to nourish myself and others (including the cat)?

By spending time with my cat did I remember to check its food and litter supplies?

Do my loved ones, including the cat, know, or care, how I write my list? Did playing with the cat at the same time relax me? Open up my thinking so I could write things down, or remember them easier?

Do my loved ones really care about how I got the shopping?”

“After we resolved the table booking problem and talked together about what we might do next time to avoid this happening, did my friend bring up this uncomfortable moment again? Or did they also leave dinner feeling more connected and wiser having spent time with me, and me them? (Note if they did fixate on the mistake, that is a different conversation where you may need to audit your friendship)”

“Will the hiring manager have any idea, or care, about what time I put that job application in?

Did giving it that extra proofread or format check pick up errors that I would have kicked myself over had I not fixed them? What could I work on next time if I increased my stress levels to a point that brought discomfort?”

Some unmet expectations can bring stress and discomfort, and if rushing or forgetting is making you stressed, there are definitely ways to tackle these issues so that you feel less frazzled. But if you are beating yourself up because you think you don’t have compassion for the person you are and the way you need to do things, consider whether it’s a matter of changing the process, or changing the way you talk to yourself.