We left off at Part 2 here

So, what’s the final idea to unpack when it comes to success?

Exploring how I defined my own success, and recognising the times I might define it uniquely to myself.

Arriving at the feeling of achievement is half the battle, especially if the path has been littered with distractions, speedbumps and other weird and wonderful digressions.

We risk devaluing our process and approach to achieve the things we want when we start taking on feedback that is not always helpful or ADHD-friendly. I love feedback when it is done with kindness and collaboration in mind. But those ‘shoulds’ that have crept into your vocabulary have come from somewhere, and often they seep into your life at multiple stages, often when you encounter the more ‘public’ areas of life – school, further education, the workplace. Places that don’t always have the time, space, resources or inclination to move past unilateral approaches. These spaces can be filled with people who mean well, but who can get stuck on everyone following the same process rather than allowing you to reach the goal in a way that works for you.

A self consciousness can grow about process this way. You can start to second guess yourself, or feel worried about judgement. The external shoulds work their way into the way you speak to yourself. This criticism, either internal or external, coupled with the rejection sensitivity and emotional and sensory sensitivity of an ADHDer can make your thinking literally stop. This is fight or flight kicking in, bringing your creative, expansive, problem solving brain to a halt as it goes into protective mode. This turns what could have been a curious process into a distression slog, meaning that by the time we achieve something we are too exhausted and stressed to even care.

Contrast your achievements made when brain-grindingly distressed with the times where you’ve had a task to do, but known that no one would be watching, giving back seat commenting, or making you do it in exactly their way. Or maybe you do the same task differently at home to how you do it in the workplace. Have you followed a different process? How have you felt when you have achieved what you set out to do, after following your own unique process to get there?

Noting what works, even if distracted and different, when approaching a task, and trying it out in other areas of your life can be scary but liberating. By speaking to yourself in a different voice, taking out the ‘shoulds’, and celebrating the new paths you are taking, it’s possible to create a sense of freedom and possibility that may have previously seemed closed to you.